So, I have been MIA... for like a while. I know I know. Bad blogger! I have been busy being a farmer... well, a wanna be farmer... ok more of a gardener, really. FINE... a wanna be gardener. At best. I really am a wanna be though. I have destroyed fingernails packed so full of dirt potatoes could probably grow in them. The lovely 3/4 arm suntan. And rows of fresh dark soil covered in moist mulch. Sounds great, right. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No. It has not been great. It has been heartbreaking, and frustrating, and hard. As of yet, very little satisfaction and no freaking food have come from my efforts. *sigh* I am not too good at this whole growing stuff. Well, except Dandelions. I can grow the hell out some dandelions. While they're edible, I have no idea how to cook with them so they don't do me much good. But I can grow them. Or, well, my yard grows them. I would say lawn, but we use weeds in lieu of grass. It makes things easier. Maybe that's why the dandelions grow so well! I have absofreakinlutely NOTHING to do with them.
I have ALWAYS wanted to be able to grow an amazing bounty of food from a plot of dirt and weeds. I am in love with the idea of gardening. I actually find the sowing and digging, and rowing, and simply running my hands through the soil cathartic and de-stressing. Almost centering. *breathe in, breathe out* Realistically, I kill plastic house plants...... Don't ask. This year, I have re-started my garden 4 times... partially re-started 6. I have a good bit of squashes, melons, and the like growing. I am apparently a freaking goddess when it comes to that sort of thing. Beans tolerate me. Peas detest me, but are dubiously hanging on. Carrots... nothing yet. Lettuce, we have sprouts. Turnips, looking good. Herbs... Basil is the only one showing me any love at the moment. Corn. I have 1. yes ONE. I know you can't grow one stalk of corn. I'm working on rectifying the situation. Tomatoes? I am what seems to be the tomato anti-Christ! I take these precious beautiful heirloom seeds (that cost a small fortune) and sprout them beautifully. I carefuly place them into dampened soft soil full of nutrients and love. I place them in the sun, do not over water them, keep them away from the dog (see Mother's Day....*smh*) and watch them grow. Or not grow. Usually not grow. But occasionally, I get to see them grow into adorable little fuzzy one to two inch tall plants with all the joy and hope I can imagine a plant feels. Then I watch it die. A nice slow painful death. Simply because that is how awesome I am.
At one point I had over 25 tomato plants going. 5 plants of 5 different varietals. I have 1. One stinkin plant. It's adorable. Like 3 inches tall and it just had it's first big girl leaves come in. But just the one. I have 2 other tomato plants that are heirlooms that were given to me. Those are all sorts of happy. I didn't raise them. Give it two weeks. I'll kill them too. Watch. I also have one very straggly sickly sugar snap pea that I should really just pull the plug on. That's it. I direct seeded 3 more. Nothing. *sigh* Just like the 24 corn plants I've killed. I really shouldn't be allowed any where near plant life. At least my cacao are growing (until I inevitably kill them too!).
It's my poor tomatoes that have been steadfast in their bringing of gardening reluctance through their pain and suffering. Their plight has been substantial. Most likely to end catastrophically with mass tomato plant genocidal Blight. I have had doggies eat my plants, I have baked them, froze them, drowned them, starved them, dehydrated them, root rotted them, damped them off. BUT...... I now know not to over water them, that I shouldn't keep them in the little mini green houses on 85 degree southern days, that when the soil is dry not to wait to water, to keep them away from hungry doggies, to pull them in at night until they are ready for transplant, they need good soil (not the nasty sand stuff from my yard) and to put powdered milk (and/or ground egg shells) and epsom salts (and/or sugar) in the soil, to plant them so deep you think you are going to bury the whole thing, make sure there is good air circulation, and to water the seedlings with chamomile tea and dust the tops with cinnamon. And hopefully, with enough pathetic ineptness adorability (<- Yes, I made that word up. Deal.) Someone will graciously tell me what this Blight is and how to stop is from ever happening ever ever to an tomato plant I manage to keep alive long enough to even dream of harvesting. UGH! And Blossom End Rot!?! This sounds annoyingly gross....!
Don't get me wrong. I cannot be that optimistic all the time. I have sat on the ground and cried in frustration like a 2 year old and been ready to forget about the whole thing. I mean really, how important is it to eat anyway? We can be foragers and survive off of the abundance of dandelions in my yard. I have even *gasp* yelled at my plants (because they understand exactly what I am saying and will indeed "knock it off, hurry up and grow, and make me some food already!"). I have annoyed the sin out of many a kind and helpful person of Facebook begging for help with problems I continuously cause myself. And have even debated dropping out of some groups in Newb shame. I have failed, epically, at providing for my family this year. My Growtest has truly turned into my own personal Grow Test! Now, I could sit here and wallow and give up (at least until next year) or go and buy pre-started plants and pull them off as my own. But I wouldn't learn, and no one ever succeeded at anything from giving up when they failed. So we will have watermelon for Halloween and fresh tomatoes for thanksgiving. So what!?!?! A lot of people will be jealous of our end of the season bounty. Just as I am jealous of their start of the season haul. My visions of fresh summer salads have turned into hearty winter stews. I can see this as all a giant failed waste of time I can never get back or I can see everything I have learned and use that knowledge to try again. I don't know about you, but I'm going to dust off my garden gloves, pick up my bag of mulch, un-kink my garden hose, and give it another try.
Maybe I'm more of a gardener than I thought!
Today I think our baby step should be trying again. Seriously! We all have that one "stupid" that try as we might we just can't conquer it, let alone master it. We feel as though we have tried everything possible and yet we keep ending up with the same results. Sometimes, we can't see the forest through the trees. We need to step back, take a deep breath, and look at how we have succeeded through our fails. I NEVER would have known not to over water tomatoes unless I had over watered them... repeatedly... asked for help.... and learned. That was a success. Sometimes a million small successes are grander and much more satisfying than one giant one. So look at all of your little successes, and try again. And again. And again. And on and on until you simply succeed. It won't be easy. And you'll probably cry. You will hate yourself and feel a fool. But keep trying. Because if it was worth trying to succeed once, it's worth trying until you succeed.
Today, I hope you find patience. It seems like we're all ALWAYS losing it. ;)
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